By Gill Pawley, Inkpots Mentoring
Every single one of us will go through times when life is difficult and challenging. It’s part of the human condition.
But in adolescence, these storms seem endless and sometimes painful – with wave after wave of misery and upset.
It’s a time of devastating heartbreaks, when unkind words can cut deeply into sensitive minds and grief may be experienced for the first time. There are, of course, the highs as well. First love, new experiences and personal milestones. But it’s such a roller coaster.
I’m a mentor for young people and create spaces where they feel safe, build trust and uncover their dreams and hopes.
Realising potential
Teenagers have incredible untapped potential but often with my clients, it’s hidden underneath anxiety, self-consciousness, poor body image and undiagnosed neurodiversity. So, while the potential is fabulous, the right kind of support is needed to help uncover it.
A concept I talk about a lot is that of finding a ‘lighthouse person’. To explain this idea, I ask the young person to imagine a small fishing village with a harbour where most of the vessels are safely anchored. It’s winter and a storm is brewing; by nightfall, the winds are whipping the sea into a frenzy and most people are safe behind closed doors. But one solitary fisher has misjudged the weather and they’re out at sea in a tiny boat. The waves buffet them endlessly and they have almost given up hope when they catch the feint glow of the lighthouse in the distance. Slowly but surely, they’re able to use the steady beam to guide the boat back into the harbour.
When we are going through a personal storm, knowing that we have our own lighthouse person can help guide us into calmer waters.
Like lighthouses, lighthouse people tend to be a little set apart from the ups and downs of a young person’s life and may not be heavily involved in the day-to-day. This means that when the time is right, they can look at the issues and offer calm, neutral support.
Consistency
Another important aspect is the offer of consistency. Just like a beam of a lighthouse which shines out steadily, a lighthouse person can be relied upon to offer help and guidance in the darkest of storms.
Part of my role as a mentor is to help a young person identify the members of their support circle, and from that look at who could be someone they could turn to. Many of my clients have problems trusting adults so it may not always be obvious to them who could help. It may be that a teacher, sports coach or youth leader fits the bill, grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins too. Some parents are admirably able to manage the dual role.
And if, as a parent, you recognise your own teen may benefit from having such a person, it’s not some kind of parenting fail. Far, far from it. It’s a clear recognition of their growing independence and shows your understanding of the support needed.
The most important thing is that the young person knows who they can trust in time of need.
It’s a powerful exercise and one which I don’t think should be restricted to young people. We all need a lighthouse person in our lives – especially if we have many caring responsibilities ourselves. There’s nothing more comforting or reassuring to know that there’s someone who will make time for us and listen, holding space to we can really talk about the things that are troubling us.
Gill Pawley
Inkpots Mentoring
Instagram: @inkpots_mentoring
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/gill-pawley
www.inkpots.org
